And i really don’t know what to do with this life

It was till today that I realised that an artist need not have his own style.

Style is something that can only be developed subconsciously - an artist that desperately seeks for his own style can never achieve it.

I believe that Love knows no prejudice.

Sometimes, you will see and experience the bad side of the people you love because we all have bad sides, and though it may at that moment change your impression of them; but if you truly love them, you will only remember the good things about them. The bad moments will not change the way you treat and love them. And that is Love.

Life is a sad thing really.

Because it’s full of uncertainties.

Because it’s meant to be unfair.

Because we’re all selfish, discontented and greedy.

Because we’re never ever really happy.

Which ultimately makes me question, what am I living for?

I’m certainly not truly happy, though I’m contented for what I currently have;

yet I do think of things that could have been better, which ultimately boils down to the point that I’ll never really be contented.

Perhaps one is motivated to live on everyday to the fullest when he has an ultimate goal in his life. What then, is my goal in life? Before that it has been studying, but now that it is all over, and I’ve entered a new phase in life, it all becomes ambiguous and confusing. I have come to realised that living everyday doing what I feel like doing is not that satisfying after all. It opens up to a ironic situation where during tough times, humans think and feel that they’ll enjoy the aftermath. For some, this thought is what keeps him going. But when the day really comes, it actually becomes an anti-climax where one will question himself if this is truly what he sought for, and this will bring about further frustrations and emptiness.

sighs.

At the end of the day, I just stubbornly refuse to admit it. I hate myself for being so cowardly. The truth is, I’m afraid of being hurt. I’d rather live a stoic life than experience the highs and lows of life. In actual fact, though the wall I’ve built around me seems so sturdily strong, yet it shatters once touched. It’s not that I don’t want to change, it’s just that I couldn’t. I can never deceive myself and pretend to be someone I’m not; perhaps that’s even more painful than now. I just need to wait patiently, and painfully, for that someone, to come and rescue me.

Weird.

Life is an irony really. The new life that I’ve been anticipating for the past months turned out to be such an anti-climax. Is it crazy to say that I’m sick of the life already? Even if it’s been what I’m hoping for all along.

I’m sick of all the superficial and ostensible things dictating my life right now. I need to search for something deeper, something more worthwhile to satisfy myself. I need to be happy. That’s the only thing I’m clear I ain’t feeling now.

It has only been 4 days. Approximately 7 months and 3 weeks to go…

it’s been long

Been ages since I have last updated. :( 13 more days’ all I have got…

A realization just hit me. That maybe, all those people whom we have envied, seemingly so high up and mighty, are no more different than you and me. Sometimes it’s easy to get your head mixed up and perceptions way out of line. Perhaps we have underestimated ourselves. We are more than who we think we are, and what we truly are.

And when the time comes, we will all be equal. It no longer matters where we come from, what we have achieved. It all comes down to that moment. The chances of us scoring and failing are but the same.

Let’s give it our best shot.

The only 2 people that can help me now is God and myself.

Therefore it’s no use talking to others about it; they cant help me because they do not understand - and they will only think I’m some whiny piece of shit.

It’s my own life that I have to take charge of, and I have to get myself out of this bullshit abyss.

It’s the only way if I want to get pass this, without any regrets.

P.S sorry for all these crude words. I’m in a really bad mood ):

It’s okay to cry.

Because you’ll become stronger after that.

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.